Love doesn't need to hurt

If there is one thing that can hurt more than anything, and from seeing and hearing the impacts of this in my work, it is the pain and consequences of a relationship ending.

Doing the 'leaving' may seem right, or it might have felt right at the time. It may be a pattern of someone choosing to end relationships once the initial euphoria and 'spark' has worn off. Unconsciously or consciously looking for the next exciting new lover in the same way that a drug addict chases the next 'high'.
Sadly, it can also be a person not believing they are worthy of being loved. It doesn't matter how many times they are told or even shown they are loved, they cannot believe it for whatever reason. As a result there is a need to escape or to push the other person away. Indirectly or directly achieving what they believed in the first place, that they were not worthy of that other person.

Or it could be that jealousy interferes with the relationship. A person fears what their partner might or might not be doing. They in turn are over-vigilant with their partner and it can damage trust. Clinging to their views about the relationship. In response the other person may not be able to match what the other desires and the relationship tips further and further out of balance.

The root of the upset often lies within an individual. Their experience has made them distrust others, they sometimes lack confidence and seek to have the relationship on their terms, instead of a mutually comfortable partnership. It does not matter what the experience - it is possible to overcome their past and look forward to a happier future. It may take a bit of work - and is it not worth investing in yourself if you are to invest your feelings in a relationship with someone else?

In order to look for a long term, healthy and stable relationship it helps to see beyond the first fizzy, heady exciting part of romantic love. To look and understand the person who may actually be the perfect partner. So what if they are a great kisser? (well of course it's nice) But - how do they cope under pressure - easily or angrily? Are they confident with others? Do people describe them as happy/ kind/ gentle/ fun or moody/ sulky/angry? How does that compare with what you thought when you had those first dates?

I know it's easy to write this, and I know, much harder to put some of this into practice! It can be achieved - you just have to step back a bit. What is equally important is knowing what you like about yourself. Gaining self-approval opens the doors to a happier state of being and of finding someone else to share that with and who respects you for who/ what you are.

Want more than a fling? Here's my top tips:
* Consider what you like about yourself - or, what do others value in you?
* Let go of trying to please someone else
* Look beyond the initial spark of a relationship and pay attention to what the other person is really like and how others describe them
* Create free-time for each partner, to do things separately - allowing breathing space in a relationship can be good for both of you

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection ― Siddhārtha Gautama

About the Author: Angie loves helping other people achieve their potential at work and in life and achieving happiness using a range of therapeutic techniques. Available via skype, telephone as well as face to face. Based in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.

Dare to begin and get past negative beliefs

Some days we think we have a clear focus and know where we want to go. Other days it may be about surviving through many different tasks and responsibilities. If we really believe we can get to where we want to be professionally or personally it's great! However, at certain times we are under pressure or have doubts. Then it can feel a bit more challenging. It could be a negative mindset holding us back. If we have a hidden belief that somehow we do not deserve to achieve our goals, it can interfere with confidence - whispering doubts in our head - and perhaps missing a goal. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate? One of the things I can help with is discovering and helping to eliminate any unhelpful beliefs and putting in place strategies and visualisation to build confidence. Feel great and believe in yourself.

Dare to begin and be a winner. I think we all deserve that, don't you?

Sunset on the day - change your mind

Sometimes it can seem like the sun has set on a difficult day. Perhaps saying the wrong thing, or getting caught up in an unhealthy argument. Maybe it was circumstances beyond our control. One thing we can do is look at the end of the day as some sort of closure. Get some sleep and respect that it might seem different in the morning. The sunrise can bring a new way of thinking or even a decision or change of mind.

A turtle makes progress when it sticks it's neck out!

'A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out' (anonymous)

Sticking your neck out can seem like a tough prospect when moving to a new school, workplace, college or even returning from combat. The changes we experience require us to possibly re-think who we are, what we are doing, how we do things and how to fit in with people we may not know well. On top of that, for those who knew us before, we may have changed beyond all recognition (emotionally at least). It takes courage to stick our neck out and step into the unknown. Whilst it can seem a bit unnerving taking that first step, often it pays dividends in many ways. The more we continue stepping into new situations, strength seems to grow inside of us and keep us changing, enjoying life and learning. It takes bravery too. I enjoy helping people to get the best out of their lives. Taking those steps with my help. Would you appreciate that? If so, call me to find out more on 07773 610816 or the Norfolk Clinic on 01603 660792 to arrange an initial chat. Hypnotherapy, coaching and counselling services are offered to many different types of people.

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Employment gains - or weighty issue?

I recently wrote about the job search blues and the challenges facing those seeking work. But what of those actually in work and facing tough times? In this article I'm focusing on the issue of weight and discrimination at work. 

Employment can sometimes be clouded by more issues than the printer breaking for the 12th time in one day! It can also be a place where personal issues, like weight, can affect someone's chances of keeping their job and enjoying being at work. What of those people who had been affected at work because of their weight?
A recent study in the US (of nearly three thousand people) found that those who were overweight had faced employment discrimination of one type or another. 

The areas of discrimination can be things like being the target of negative humour and negative comments from co-workers and supervisors, and being treated differently because of weight, not being hired, being denied promotions, or even being fired because of carrying excess weight.
The survey participants classed as 'overweight' responded being 12 times more likely to have been discriminated against. Those classed as 'obese' were 37 times more likely, and 'severely obese' respondents were 100 times more likely than normal-weight respondents to have said they had faced employment discrimination. In this study, women were 16 times more likely to report weight-related employment discrimination than men.  What a horrible thought. Because weight is viewed in such a negative way, even if you are the most talented person in your company, you may at worst face losing your job because of your weight. 

I always thought that to keep a job there were some basic steps. Turn up on time, remember to work hard, achieve or exceed objectives and (usually), be part of a team. I hadn't considered that being a 'normal' weight was going to be one of those steps! Well now we know differently. 

If things go wrong at work, usually a plan is drawn up to sort it. There are also steps to take when it comes to improving our health and particularly to weight. We know we should eat healthily and be active. Sometimes it takes a bit more than knowing it though, doesn't it? If you want to move towards making a change in eating habits, plucking up the courage to seek help now may help you toward a healthy career, as well as a healthier lifestyle.  

I deal with the whole issue, not just the weight, it's about the person too.  If you think you would like to know more about making changes to your lifestyle, I'm here to help. 

About the Author: Angie loves helping other people achieve their potential at work and in life and achieving happiness using a range of therapeutic techniques. Based at the Norfolk Clinic (Complementary Healthcare Centre), 38-40 Magdalen Road, Norwich, Norfolk, UK.  Tel: 07773 610816 or email info@angiegiles.co.uk 

The Job Search Blues and ways to motivate yourself

During the job search, it’s often not only the bank balance that can seem like it's going downhill. If you’ve been through redundancy or been looking for work for a while, self-esteem can also take a hit. The bills may be piling up and all you want is for someone to just see your potential, take a chance on your and give you a job.  It’s not too much to ask really, is it? Well, that’s a good question!

If you are feeling low, the chances are you are unintentionally showing something of that to potential employers. It tends to ‘leak out’ without you realising it.  Almost imagining accepting yet another rejection letter floating through the letterbox before you've even finished the application? It will show. So what to do if you feel stuck or seem weighed down by the situation?

Some sure fire ways to get yourself motivated to complete your applications:

1. If you feel like your energy is almost get up and gone; get outside. Go for a walk and take yourself completely away from the job search for 10 to 15 minutes. Listen and watch nature. Breathe deeply.  Getting oxygen back in your system is valuable and can re-energise and refresh your mind and your body. It’s amazing how we forget the power of breathing to instantly improve our outlook on life.  
2. List your strengths or ask people who know you well what they think your strengths are. We sometimes forget these values as important to an employer. What are we good at? Would we be the one to keep a calm head when everyone else is flustered? A good listener? Able to explain complex things simply? Do you recognise in yourself what other people tell you that you are good at? Can you use that knowledge in your applications?
3. Think of each job application as a step towards your new future.  Like Takeshi’s Castle (a Japanese TV show) where the contestants go across water by giant stepping stones. Some of the stones are solid and others do sink so that a contestant falls in the water.  If you consider you have learnt something from those stones that don’t hold weight, it can seem less painful. Perhaps those roles were not right for you anyway and the next application may be toward firmer ground and a healthier bank balance too.
   
4. Make sure you concentrate on applying for jobs that you think you are going to enjoy.  If you really like the sound of the job, the more chance you’ll focus effort into getting it, rather than ‘just another application’.  Imagine what it would be like to work there. How would it feel? What are the people like? Look up the company details and do a bit of research on them, so you can ask questions to show interest if you’re invited to interview.  I was asked questions about an unusually listed company (private stock) at interview, and yes, I’d done my research so I could easily answer… and they offered me the job.Good luck and keep positive. You deserve success!  

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About the Author: Angie loves helping other people achieve their potential at work and in life and achieving happiness using a range of therapeutic techniques. Available via skype, telephone as well as face to face. Based in Norwich, Norfolk, UK..