A nudge in the right direction

I came across this quote and rather liked it: 

"when a stick floating down the river gets stuck, it doesn't need psychotherapy, it just needs a nudge" (Michael Neill) 

It's about getting the right sort of help at the right time.

I recently found myself on the open river (see the picture), leading towards one of the glorious Norfolk Broads. Kayaking is a great thing to do and for me, getting outside, in the fresh air is very good for my soul! 

At one point, after a rest, I needed help. A man seated nearby with his friends could see I was tiring a bit, so he very kindly asked if he might give me a 'nudge' away from the sandy bank towards the flow of the main river. I said yes and was grateful for his help as it was perfectly timed and very helpful. 

The idea of a helpful 'nudge' makes sense to me. In the U.S. there has, in the past, been a culture of seeing therapists for long periods. In the U.K. though less obvious perhaps, there's more awareness of the benefit of sorting out emotional or confidence issues holding us back. We are gradually seeing a shift towards making use of opportunities for building emotional muscle and getting ourselves into a stronger position. It doesn't require months of coaching/therapy either, well certainly not with me. 
My clients sometimes just need a mental nudge, a little coaching or perhaps an opportunity to use me as a sounding board for thinking more clearly and gaining confidence. 

Of course there are times when longer term psychotherapy is of use and I am able to offer that too, should the need arise. 

When your 'job/relationship/mindset' gets stuck, get in touch, I'll let you know how I can help nudge yourself back into the flow... 

(I must mention The Canoe Man (Wroxham, Norfolk) as they offer a range of  hiring/ camping options for the novice kayaker/ canoeist. The picture is one I took as I went along the River Bure, Norfolk. Lovely isn't it? I'd recommend giving this a go) 

See:

http://www.angiegiles.co.uk/
Twitter: angie_therapist
Facebook: Angie Giles Hypnotherapy

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About the Author: Angie works as a hypnotherapist, counsellor and coach at the Norfolk Clinic Complementary Healthcare Clinic, 38-40 Magdalen Road, Norwich, NR3 4AG. 

Call Angie directly on 07773 610816 or email info@angiegiles.co.uk 
Angie offers a free initial consultation to find out more. 

Envious or jealous? Green is a positive colour.

Feeling envious or feeling jealous? What's the difference? Why does it matter? 

Imagine someone you know is on holiday. They start posting numerous social media pictures of their fabulous hotel and of the white sandy beach. Does this inspire you with ideas for a future holiday? Do you feel like saving up and planning something for yourself? This may have started as a feeling of envy that encouraged you toward positive motivation and action. 

Or do you mumble and groan about the number of times you see their 'I'm so happy on my holiday' face across your screen? Do you start to say things to yourself like, 'I'd not want to be there anyway' (even though, you admit, it looks exquisite). Or perhaps, 'Too many creepy crawlies and I noticed they'd been bitten by a mosquito already!' The thoughts started as envy, then quickly escalated into a negative, jealous response. It's like wanting to stop someone else's fun. To not share in another person's vivid experience of life. 

Other people can seem to have it all, can't they? Maybe they can. Or maybe they have put in considerable effort to save up, to forge a successful career, making sacrifices in order to take annual holidays. Holding onto envy will lead to jealous thoughts. It will keep you trapped if you are constantly comparing yourself with others. Preventing you from focusing on your positive characteristics and achievements. You are the only invitee at this 'pity party'. 

Worst of all, it erodes self-confidence. It will stop you from building greater self-esteem. 

Or do you feel good about other people's success even if they appear to have 'more' material things, bigger homes and more exotic holidays than you? Do you positively rejoice in other people's happiness? Feeling excited for others is going to lead to more positive feelings for you. That should be less painful than feeling bad about another person's happiness. 

Perhaps next time you get a little green eyed, remember, an occasional bit of envy is OK. Just make sure it leads to the grass being greener on your side of the fence. Focus on your own grass and leave others to theirs.   

See:
http://www.angiegiles.co.uk/
Twitter: angie_therapist
Facebook: Angie Giles Hypnotherapy

About the Author: Angie works as a hypnotherapist, counsellor and coach at the Norfolk Clinic Complementary Healthcare Clinic, 38-40 Magdalen Road, Norwich, NR3 4AG. 

Call Norfolk Clinic reception on 01603 660792 or call Angie directly on 07773 610816. She loves helping people achieve their potential at work, in life and finding greater happiness using a range of therapeutic techniques.

The magic of heels (or sparkly red shoes): self belief

I remember the first time I went to buy a pair of high heels. There was a good reason, not just fashion. I wanted a pair of heels to look older than my 12 years. I needed to look like I was 14, the age I needed to be to get in to see a then 'AA' rated film at the cinema. The film was the 'Elephant Man'. I'd heard it was amazing and I'd do anything to go. Where I lived there wasn't that many shoe shops in town. My mum went with me and we searched the shop with the 'teen' appeal. 

The pair of shoes I found and fell in love with there were totally impractical. A vivid red/orange colour, peep toe, in suede. I have wide fitting feet and I think these were a narrow fit. My mum asked if I was sure about them. 'Yes' of course I was, my heart was already set on those shoes and so I squeezed my toes into them and thought, 'perfect!' even as the pretty suede pinched the edge of my big and little toes. I believed the shoes made me look and feel older - just the way I needed them to. That was all that mattered. 

I needed no help in the pretence of being older than I was. I added a dab of make up on the evening of the film. I put on those red shoes and wobbled and strutted off with my friend (also in heels). That night my friend and I were also already 14 in our minds, we were emotionally 'grown up' we really believed it. We even behaved more worldly and acted confidently before we got anywhere near the cinema. Of course, we got in to see the film and it was wonderful and moving. I look back now and smile, as it was the genuine belief that we were already two years older, that was amazing and touching. 

It's great what a pair of shoes can do for you. It's also amazing what your imagination can do too. Self-belief starts with a little imagination and practice. You have the power inside. Heels are optional.

See:

angiegiles.co.uk
Twitter: angie_therapist
Facebook: Angie Giles Hypnotherapy

About the Author: Angie works as a hypnotherapist, counsellor and coach at the Norfolk Clinic Complementary Healthcare Clinic, 38-40 Magdalen Road, Norwich.  

Call Norfolk Clinic reception on 01603 660792 or Angie directly on 07773 610816.  She loves helping other people achieve their potential at work, life and find greater happiness using a range of therapeutic techniques.

Butt-kicking or pat on the back?

Occasionally I see something, whether a quote, a picture or   something I read, that makes me sit up and take notice. Especially when it's to do with abilities not being encouraged. Perhaps its the natural 'coach' in me! 

Seeing a news report, a story from a friend or hearing from a client of first-hand experience of feeling like they had been overlooked.  

Several people I've met over the years told me that school/ sport /club sometimes left them feeling like they were running an uphill battle with them at the bottom of the hill trying to reach the top. No support was provided to get there. Yet they had the ability in them and had 'given up' trying. 

They were shouted at for doing things wrong or for not doing it the way the system believed it should be (school, club - whatever really). Negative and restrictive behaviours surrounding the system brought them down. It wasn't their fault, yet they thought it was. It was the system that was actually failing. It was not meeting their needs and conformed to the majority of the participants that were in it.

Then I hear other stories of people who have been lucky enough to have worked with an amazing teacher/coach/leader. Amazing in that a person is respected for being sensitive to the needs of people who struggled in the traditional systems. These inspirational people seem to instinctively know to inspire and train people who maybe don't fit the 'usual' system requirements. They know how to encourage and empower and inspire confidence and also introduce fun ways of keeping that knowledge. 

The best thing that all of these leaders, teachers and coaches seem to do, is find a way of reaching out to people. Encouraging and reinforcing learning in a fun and forgiving way. Learning is also about making mistakes and people often fear making mistakes. So if a student/person does happen to make a mistake they are made aware, encouraged to correct it themselves, or shown how to solve it if they do not have the actual skill required. No getting hung up on any idea of 'failure'. 

There might not always be available time to give to that one person who is struggling, especially in a team environment, as everybody needs to be 'on the ball'. However, that one person may remember and respect that inspirational teacher/coach/ leader who bothered to stop, show and encourage them.  If they are finding it tough it will mean a lot to them and inspire them to keep going.     

See:
angiegiles.co.uk
Twitter: angie_therapist
Facebook: Angie Giles Hypnotherapy

About the Author: Angie works as a hypnotherapist, counsellor and coach at the Norfolk Clinic Complementary Healthcare Clinic, 38-40 Magdalen Road, Norwich. 

Call Norfolk Clinic reception on 01603 660792 or Angie directly on 07773 610816. She loves helping other people achieve their potential at work ,life and find greater happiness using a range of therapeutic techniques.

Feedback is good

I'm someone who believes in the positive benefits of doing as good a job as I can do, supporting people who want to make a change in their life. That change might be with stopping smoking, stopping other habits, dealing with fears, phobias and anxieties, building confidence, moving on from a broken relationship or perhaps a bit of life coaching (or indirect business coaching) to get some direction and focus. I usually ask my clients to let me know what working with me has been like for them. It's important for me to know. 

I don't do too many shout-outs about myself generally as I'm fairly modest. I also get a good number of direct referrals from the work I do with people and so that's another way of good indicator of people liking what I have helped them achieve. If I've made a difference to someone and they go on to tell someone else, it's their decision, although of course it is appreciated! Someone recently said to me I really should share with the public what my clients say about me, particularly when I get unsolicited feedback. 

So here we go... this was received via email from a client who wanted to stop smoking and reduce drinking (reproduced with their permission): 
"I am extremely thankful to you (Angie) as I haven't had a ciggie since our session and am confident I never will smoke again.  I have also cut back on my drinking alcohol and just drink occasionally when out. I feel so much better in myself both mentally and physically, my confidence and self worth is way up there, so, thank you again" 

I was of course very happy for this person, I managed to maintain my modesty and still share this snippet. Feedback can be very helpful in motivating you to keep doing what you are doing or do something even better, don't you think?    

Love doesn't need to hurt

If there is one thing that can hurt more than anything, and from seeing and hearing the impacts of this in my work, it is the pain and consequences of a relationship ending.

Doing the 'leaving' may seem right, or it might have felt right at the time. It may be a pattern of someone choosing to end relationships once the initial euphoria and 'spark' has worn off. Unconsciously or consciously looking for the next exciting new lover in the same way that a drug addict chases the next 'high'.
Sadly, it can also be a person not believing they are worthy of being loved. It doesn't matter how many times they are told or even shown they are loved, they cannot believe it for whatever reason. As a result there is a need to escape or to push the other person away. Indirectly or directly achieving what they believed in the first place, that they were not worthy of that other person.

Or it could be that jealousy interferes with the relationship. A person fears what their partner might or might not be doing. They in turn are over-vigilant with their partner and it can damage trust. Clinging to their views about the relationship. In response the other person may not be able to match what the other desires and the relationship tips further and further out of balance.

The root of the upset often lies within an individual. Their experience has made them distrust others, they sometimes lack confidence and seek to have the relationship on their terms, instead of a mutually comfortable partnership. It does not matter what the experience - it is possible to overcome their past and look forward to a happier future. It may take a bit of work - and is it not worth investing in yourself if you are to invest your feelings in a relationship with someone else?

In order to look for a long term, healthy and stable relationship it helps to see beyond the first fizzy, heady exciting part of romantic love. To look and understand the person who may actually be the perfect partner. So what if they are a great kisser? (well of course it's nice) But - how do they cope under pressure - easily or angrily? Are they confident with others? Do people describe them as happy/ kind/ gentle/ fun or moody/ sulky/angry? How does that compare with what you thought when you had those first dates?

I know it's easy to write this, and I know, much harder to put some of this into practice! It can be achieved - you just have to step back a bit. What is equally important is knowing what you like about yourself. Gaining self-approval opens the doors to a happier state of being and of finding someone else to share that with and who respects you for who/ what you are.

Want more than a fling? Here's my top tips:
* Consider what you like about yourself - or, what do others value in you?
* Let go of trying to please someone else
* Look beyond the initial spark of a relationship and pay attention to what the other person is really like and how others describe them
* Create free-time for each partner, to do things separately - allowing breathing space in a relationship can be good for both of you

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection ― Siddhārtha Gautama

About the Author: Angie loves helping other people achieve their potential at work and in life and achieving happiness using a range of therapeutic techniques. Available via skype, telephone as well as face to face. Based in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.

Suspending beliefs

Is 2012 your year for change? I can help you!
It could be wanting to stop an old habit, increasing confidence levels, dealing with anxiety or looking to make changes for a healthier, happier future. Making that decision is what matters, so well done if you've already started or decided to go for it! Sometimes having someone outside of your usual friends and family can make the process that much easier.  Of course the most important person to achieve what you want, is you, isn't it? I pay attention to that and give you the support you need to make the changes you want, at the pace you want.     

Confidence and Questions

“Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions” - Earl Gray Stevens